Mel's Journal

Microbiology lecture exam 1 F

Wed, 26 May 2004 19:00:35 GMT

I am so fucked -.-

Why? why can't I say no? Why can't I not procrastinate????

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck >.<

I want this thing out >.

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 00:26:04 GMT

Still absolutely mortified about his car >.<

Neck hurting.

Put me out of my misery please.

...

...

I wonder what would happen if I call on Monday and ask how far a head you have to call in order to make a surgery appointment.

Get it on Monday April 26 and school doesn’t start till May 10th. I’d have two weeks to recover and it wouldn’t have to hurt for the next 4 months.

Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Please go away…

Maybe if I say it’s been hurting a lot more lately they’ll try and see if there’s room. He is a surgeon, I wonder how often and how many surgeries he actually does.

Come on Monday!!!!!!!!

*

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 14:17:25 GMT

Fuck -.-

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 21:14:58 GMT

2 hours left -.-

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 20:22:10 GMT

My neck hurts sooooooo soooooo sooooooooo bad right now ;_;

I’m putting off taking the aspirin till later. I don’t want the pain to come back too early. I know that if I take it now and say I’ll take it again later I wont. It just hurts. Ok, supposing I do take it now. The pain goes away in 20 or so minutes. I can take the pill again at around midnight. Uhg I’m so weak with pain. But at least I’ll be able to finish the things I have to do. I have 3 hours. At least its not 2 like always. I’ll be babbling in here in an hour.

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 00:56:33 GMT

Oh and I cracked yesterday. I was late to chemistry because I was having Café con leché -.-

So much for lent. I really didn’t do it for that though… I really just wanted to see how long I could go.

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 00:49:53 GMT

I got my little celly on Tuesday. *pets celly* It’s so tiny and cute. It glows blue and has games and tones and did I mention its blue and tiny and oh so cute? ^^

Yesterday patty came over to “talk” she apologized but then proceeded to lecture me some more. What I find so funny is that she is telling me not to do things she’s done. At least I know how to do my own damn laundry! Granted my room is a mess at the moment but at least I would never stay living here because then I wouldnt have my mother to do my laundry and do dinner. Pft like she cooks every night and like I haven’t been doing my own laundry for the last 7 years.

She is still in a high school relationship. I don't know everything or anything about relationships for that matter. I just find it so amusing that this girl is in her 20's and refuses to move out because she doesnt want the responsibility of living on her own. Her boyfriend wants her to move in with him but she doesn't. Why? because she doesnt want to pay bills, do laundry and cook dinner.

oO

This is the same person who is lecturing me about sleeping in the same bed with a guy. I was fully clothed. The most I did was unhook my bra AFTER he had already fallen asleep.

What ever?!

I’m not going to dignify that topic any more. Frankly if she brings it up again I’m cutting her off and telling her the truth. I’m a very private person and I’d appreciate it if she wouldn’t make any more comments regarding my personal life. Fatima knows that anything I tell her she is fortunate to know because its not in me to talk about my relationships. And in the future I would prefer her not to refer to my boyfriend (is he even that?) as Old man (that one pissed me off so bad and she knew it, told her that she best come up with something new), lucky, 27, and who knows what else.

...

Last night was so bad I still don’t know what to do. I’ve more or less accepted things and yet I know that down the road his past is going to bother me. He said he wasn’t even in the double digits, which would sincerely be a relief. Even though one is too many already and I know he’s had two... At the same time -.-

Help me. Please.

I know I have to pick up. I promised I would. I kind of want it to ring so that I… that’s mean though so I wont do it. I guess I just want him to really think about what I mean to him because I don’t even know.

Less than 2 hours. How does this sound familiar?

O.O

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 18:33:05 GMT

Okay so were up to date on things. So…

Last night at chili’s Gus told me he found an apartment its in homestead though. Hopefully were still on for Friday.

I’m extremely curious as to what patty wants to talk about in person about. I’m not going to wait till I’m in the car with her tomorrow to find out nope. She calls this morning to say we need to talk in person and to say she wont be seeing me at the gym today because she has mid terms. Duh! You told me that on Sunday night right before/after you critizsed things I do.

Fatima is working right now poor thing. She called me since she’s getting Carolyn her food. Her first day back and she is already running errands. Patti starts work at 5:30. Fati gets off at 6 which means they’ll have a half hour were they might talk.

I’m hurrying up writing everything because I’m going with mommy to international to get veronica her pants. Hopefully I’ll look at cell phones and she said she’d buy me lunch. Then with any luck I’ll be in school by 2:30. I’ll take my computer competency test and talk to Patty. If I have time and nothing to do or nothing due for health I’ll go exercise. This after Patty leaves and AFTER I finally take that damn computer test. I hope I pass.

Alright I’m off.

^__^

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 18:26:07 GMT

^___^

That’s about the only face I can make when I think about how to describe my weekend. On Friday I procrastinated (big surprises) getting ready. It wasn’t until about a quarter to 8 that I got around to getting my stuff together and getting ready. I’m in the bathroom getting ready to shower and he calls to say thankfully that he was going to be late. I wait for that day all week and yet I couldn’t bring myself to get ready -.-

So he picks me up and we go to his place but pass by blockbuster first. We got, get this, Finding Nemo >.<

I nearly began to laugh at the thought of the last person I saw that movie with and then what unfortunately happened afterwards… I still didn’t say anything because frankly I like the movie and if it wasn’t that then I’d actually be forced to pick out another movie, a task I’m afraid would take long. So he picks out his movie, Johnny English. Even though it wasn’t something I’d pick out it still beats a scary movie.

We go his place and by then I’m hungry and I don’t want to bring up the fact that he said he’d make dinner. NEVER ATE THAT NIGHT.

We saw finding Nemo and proceeded to… well… make out.

>.>

<.<

It was nice, he was nice. The thing that surprises me is that he doesn’t put any pressure on me to do anything. I think I did more than he expected me to. As long as he doesn’t think bad of me I’m okay with everything. I honestly don’t really need to go into details because I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.

In the morning I woke up around 9 and just could not go back to sleep. So I took a look at his book collection like he said I could do the night before and I noticed he either had school books (sociology like the racism book), a cubs book, and a lot of religious material. I think he is more religious than he lets on. I don’t know if its because one of the very first things we talked about was what ended my last quote unquote relationship. If he is religious he does an excellent job at not forcing it upon me.

I finally saw him wake up when I was on the couch and I got back in bed with him and just stayed there till we finally just started talking. He didn’t want to go back to sleep and he ended up making me tea since I gave up coffee (frankly I’m surprised that’s still going) I said i liked cream and lots of sugar. The man practically made me sugar water. It was funny because I’m against the fridge and he is just pouring the stuff in. I have never had such sweet tea. I drank about half and figured that if I had gone 24 hours with out eating that having THAT concoction would seriously make me sick and that I could go with out it.

We went outside on the balcony because he had to smoke -.-

That turns me off from him so bad, the way he just sucks it in and out its always been this nasty thing to me and now I’m liking someone who’s addicted to it.

We tried kissing a little more but people kept calling him so we ended up watching his movie. I had to pee so bad. Between the cup of water I had before going to bed and that sugar water that I had my bladder was like ‘Release! Release!’

We ended up going to Denny’s for breakfast and he paid but felt so bad that he forget to make me dinner. [I didn’t even need a menu I was so hungry. It was chicken hoagie with ranch dressing for the fries. Ate it all except for the fries. Note to self: sandwiches = messy food. He thought he ate messy, at least his elbows weren’t on the table like mine ;_;

He dropped me off at home and went to pick up a friend at the airport then to the movies with friends. They kept him up till 2:30 in the morning I think he said. See yesterday he came to pick me up. It was so wrong though because I was about two seconds from crying when he called. I was just feeling all depressed and then the thought of Fatima moving away just made it worst. He called and could tell, he knows me to well -.-

I just cheered up being around him, we were just driving and talking. Just holding his hand made it all better. Something I didn’t really expect. I hope he moves to the place in Kendall, its near a lot of places, the highway for him to get to work, bus routes for jamie and most importantly, Me ^_^;;

We’ll see.

We ended up driving to Florida city which is like south of homestead. He really missed a lot of turns. I ended up saying I’d go over on Friday… sleepover that is.

There was this whole serious moment when he kept asking why I was uncomfortable with myself, I told him and he showed me what he was uncomfortable with. He said 3 things except he only pointed to two really, unless you count both sides. Anyway truth be told I am comfortable as long as the lights are off and he cant see anything >.>

<.<

Then last night Patti calls and I finally pick up. I wanted to avoid the subject of him all together but she didn’t let it go. Do you know what she said? “Do you think its wise to be sleeping with him already?” I was just so surprised that she of all people would give a fuck about who I do or do not sleep with, its not her life and I told her so. I said “ you don’t have to approve of anything I do but I appreciate your honesty and voicing your concerns” which I did like that she told it to my face instead of behind my back even if I didn’t enjoy hearing what she had to say.

BUT THEN…

I call Fatima directly after to see how she’s doing and then to ease into the fact that I don’t want her to tell patty anything about me anymore. Patti ends up calling her before I even get a chance to start. It was so fucked up. I don’t think me and patty are as good of friends as I thought we were. I hope it wasn’t me using her because that’d be really wrong of me. I think I’ll just stick to exercising with her if even that. I’m just going to start going alone that way I can do the things I want. I figure I’ll do 20 minutes on the good machine and then 10 on the other. I want to work on my legs more too. Gotta tone those babies up for show ^__^

It turns out Fatima thinks the same thing except she also trust my judgment (probably thinks I’m a hypocrite while I’m at it) and on top of that she is in part a little envious.]

Frankly I’ve been writing this journal entry for the last two days. I’m just going to itemize and say Fuck It!

Friday:
Got showered and dressed went over to his place watched movies, got our freak on (no sex but lots of groping and kissing)

Saturday:
Slept till 9 ish saw his books rested on couch he woke up at 11 ish and then I got back in bed he got around to waking up since he saw I wasn’t going to go back to sleep, he made me some freaking sweet hot English tea for breakfast. Went out on the balcony for him to smoke, saw Johnny English, kissed a little but phone calls kept interrupting.

Went to Denny’s for breakfast had a chicken hoagie with ranch, he felt bad for forgetting to make dinner. He dropped me off at 3-4 pm, I was afraid papi would be out side, he wasn’t, he didn’t even know I was gone -.-

Sunday:
Was down all day because of the whole middle child syndrome thing, Fati calls crying, I start crying. I end up going out with Gus apartment hunting, we go to dinner at La fogata, he tries Mariquitas, don’t know if he liked it or not, said he did and he isn’t really the type to lie about something like that, he loved the restaurant and said he‘d go back, asked for directions I said he‘d just have to pick me up and I‘d show him where it is next time he wanted to it there. I paid and got checked out by the body builder guy that dropped his nickel.

He didn’t want to drop me off since it was just 8 ish so he missed the turn ended up up in florida city, had a really intense conversation about sex and what have you. We groped each others thighs in the car practically, he wanted to rent a hotel room I STILL don’t know if he was playing or not. I should have called him on his bluff. He took me to a parking lot in international too I gave him a kiss then went home.

Patti calls practically implies that I’m making a bad call on the things I’m doing and then follows to call Fatima. She conferences and she supposedly clicks because she didn’t think we remembered her. She calls Fati back and tells her to give her a call LATER. What ever -.-

Monday:
Went to chili’s last night with Fatima, she tells me she got her job back. Mommy brings up the fact that Fati wont be there for my birthday when we were driving home from school which is so sad. Then the real reason she wants me to rent a hotel room is so that all these people (my family) can come over and celebrate. I’m not up for that.

Talk to Gus at Chili’s insult him pretty much which I feel bad about, then when I get home and call him at 11 he doesn’t pick up, I hope its because he was asleep or smoking or something and not because he was with another woman or mad that I called him an old man.

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 22:46:30 GMT

I touched the rat. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww

....

In later news, the time is 5:45. Two more hours until I have to be ready ^^

I'm so pathetic -.-

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 00:07:27 GMT

*Sigh*

Last night I was so happy that Gus called because I had no intention in calling him. I still felt bad about waking him up. He calls and says he’s on the turnpike coming from homestead and that if he could pass by, I said yes, of course. Which is why I wrote that panic stricken entry. I had planned to shower and wash my hair but he got here like two minutes later. Barely had time to brush my teeth but only because he went around the block to kill time. I snuck out with out saying anything and saw him approach. Peter was just leaving and I passed real quick to get to the car before he drove by. Peter stops and says ‘hey there missy get out of the street before I run you over.” playing of course but I didn’t know what to say. I had peter and Gus in the car. I’m still a lil’ worried that he’ll say something to my brother and well end of story before it has a chance to begin.

Anyway, he took me to his favorite urban scenery. At first he said his favorite sight but then changed it to the second implying that I was his first favorite thing to see *gushes*

I just love his hands *melts* I just played with them the whole time. I got about like 3 kisses. Stolen at a red light and the rest when I got in and out of the car. He called me back as I was walking to the house. He just wanted one more kiss and I was so glad to give it to him. I was a bit scared my mom might come out for what ever reason.

I did NOT want to leave his car.

Tomorrow I get all night with him. The funny thing is it’s totally innocent, for the most part anyway because we do kiss and stuff but no sex. I definitely plan to prove these people wrong. A 28 year old does want more than sex and I can say no to sex. I plan to hold on it until I know I’m going to get married and even then its so close that I could probably just wait until after the wedding do actually go all the way thru with it.

So I know I’ll be here on Saturday night writing all about my time with him.

*Swoons*

Today on the other hand me and Fatima went to the beach… with Chris.

I AM SO BURNED.

I wanted an even tan on my legs for some reason that is unclear to me right now. Instead I have a burn on my upper back which is because it was the only place I wanted suntan lotion but couldn’t reach. The more painful and unexpected place is the back of my legs. My thighs were bright red but the part that hurts the most is that little crack behind your knee. That’s the most burnt and painful part.

The thighs don’t hurt so much anymore the crack does. Hopefully by tomorrow they’ll be gone because that’s the last thing I want on my mind when I’m kissing this dude.

Had Wendy’s after the beach. Me and Chris practically made fun of Fatima the entire day. Poor thing but she brings it upon herself. I honestly don’t know why she thinks pretending to be an airhead is attractive. *rolls eyes* a few moments today I thought maybe Chris had a thing for me but nooo I’m so not interested simply because he is too complicated, an ass, Fatima likes him (which if it was Gus I wouldn’t care and fight for it but Gus wouldn’t like her so oO) and the most important reason I have a thing for Gus. Even though were not going out per say I still feel I should be a little loyal. Now mental cheating is not an issue and frankly as long as neither one of us ever does it in another’s presence nor acts upon it I could care less. Ignorance is bliss ay?

So what ever I’m off to eat the burger I brought home and then I plan to take a nice little nappie.

Night’

P.S sent Prof. the email *crosses fingers*

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 02:34:51 GMT

I'm such a nerd!!!!!!!!!!

I have to shower. And brush *squeels*

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 12:18:52 GMT

I fininshed my report and turned it in on time. Well reletively on time, I was like an hour late to class. Even though I was sitting in the dinning room proof reading my essay people kept bugging me. I hate that people think their stuff is more important than mine. That their needs take precedence over mine.

Anyway here’s my final report. Yes, I noticed a few errors once I was done and it was too late to fix.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Medical laboratory technologists play a vital role in the health field by assisting in the detection, diagnosis and treatment of patients thru laboratory tests. A medical laboratory technologist (or MLT) can be expected to perform test such as; Analyzing blood, chemical or hormonal content and preparing slides for pathologist to analyze. Results from laboratory tests are sent to physicians in order to confirm or disprove a diagnosis. Test that are preformed can also show if the treatment prescribed is helping the patient.

    Most states require MLT’s to be licensed or registered in order to perform laboratory duties. Certification is voluntary but is often required by employers. Certification in the medical laboratory field can often assist in receiving promotions. A combination of certification and education is key in order to advance in the field. A degree in one of the life sciences or in an accredited laboratory program is often required for a position. There are certification programs available but they’re not as highly sought after by employers.

    An associates degree in the medical laboratory field can be obtained from an accredited college. A local hospital may also be able to provide a certification program. The United States armed forces also has a Military Occupational Specialty (MOS) program. With the code name 91K soldiers can receive education and training in the field.

    After all college pre-requisites have been fulfilled it generally takes a student two years to receive an associates degree. At Miami-Dade college this degree requires 76 credits and at $56.50 a credit the current sticker price on an Associates in Science degree is $4,294. This doesn’t include books and laboratory fees. Although it sounds like a lot of money it is by far inexpensive when compared to other universities. Education is a very good investment when you look at the affect it has on your income. The more training and experience in the field you receive the better the pay.

    Once education is complete Medical laboratory technologists can be employed in several areas. The can work in hospitals, private laboratories, research divisions or blood and organ transplant banks. According to the U.S. bureau of Labor and Statistics “Job opportunities are expected to be excellent, because the number of job openings is expected to continue to exceed the number of job seekers. Employment of clinical laboratory workers is expected to grow about as fast as the average for all occupations through the year 2012, as the volume of laboratory tests increases with both population growth and the development of new types of test.

    The Miami Herald shows several openings for Medical Laboratory personal. From the 12 listings I found that only one didn’t require a degree in the field. This proves that education is something that is sought after by employers. Of the 12 listings 8 required at least one year of experience in the field. More advanced positions required at least 3 years experience. Salary was also influenced by the years of experience and training obtained. Entry level positions start at about $27,000 a year. With experience annual earnings rose to about $36,000.

    Technologist may advance in the field with additional education. Supervisory or management positions can be obtained with at least a bachelors degree. Marketing and sales positions look for a combination of education and experience, a graduate degree in medical technology helps speed up advancement in this area. Most opportunities become available after a bachelors degree is obtained. The more prestigious positions like director of a hospital laboratory can be achieved with a doctorate degree. With out additional education you risk being passed over for promotions. Stagnation in any career is not good. The most assured path of success is by receiving additional education and making sure that you are up to date with advances in technology.

    The journal of the “American society for clinical laboratory science is a good place to go to for members in the field. “Clinical Laboratory Science is an award-winning, bi-monthly journal featuring articles on the very latest in research, education and government actions affecting the profession. It is available for free online at the American Society for Clinical Laboratory Science website. There are many professional organizations to go to for information. The “American Society for Clinical Pathology offers students in any accredited medical field to become a member for free. Membership entitles the student to many discounts and includes a subscriptions to e-News briefs, another medical journal.

    There are many conventions available for people in the medical laboratory field. Conventions usually offer people in the field to become aware of advances. Training seminars and additional education is generally preferred in the health field. It is something that I would personally want to obtain. I would never want to be stuck in a position because one of the reasons I chose this field is that there is constant room for improvement. Education is a valuable investment and I believe that I would be better off receiving at the very least an Associates degree.

    I can not imagine doing any other career for the rest of my life. Science has always been my favorite subject. Nothing intrigues me more than the career I have chosen. I am generally very passionate when I speak about school and medicine because it is something I see myself doing. My personality fit’s the description of what it takes to become a medical laboratory technologist. This only further proves that I am on the right path. With any hope I will be working in the field with in 2 years. I am excited and eager to get there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After class I called Fati and she offered to bring me home. So I called mommy and since she was only on coral way I told her to forget about picking me up that Fati would take me home. We ended up passing by Wendy’s on the way back and I bought her a chili and got myself fries (shut up, they were good) and a jr. bacon cheeseburger (Wendy’s is the only place I’ll eat a burger from.)

I went home instead of a drive with Fati because it was 9:30 almost so I though Gus was going to call. He didn’t so at 10 I wanted to see how his day went since he was almost dreading going to his aunts. So I call and he’s sleeping!! I felt… no feeeel horrible! He sounded asleep and it rang so I should have hung up but then I probably would have left some stupid message or chickened out and hung up which might be rude oO

Case in point I woke him up and I felt so bad that I just told him to go to sleep. It was maybe a 3 minute call at the most. He was mumbling so much that I couldn’t really understand. Basically “can I call you tomorrow? “yes" *click*

I don’t think I’ll be calling him during the week anymore ;_;

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 20:36:54 GMT

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 20:36:17 GMT

I CAN NOT BELIEVE I HAVE PROCRASTINATED THIS MUCH!!!!

It's due in under 2 hours and I have NOTHING!!

NADA, ZIP, ZILCH!!

All I can think of is about him ;_;

WHY do you do this?!?!?

Tempest Adore

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 22:39:17 GMT

Oh my ^___________^

I think this is one of the best weekends that I have ever had. It is mostly if not all credited to the fact that I’ve spent the majority of it with Gus. *swoons*

Its been 4 hours more or less since I last posted. So it goes like this:

After posting Fatima calls me and says “open the door I’m outside.” I had already told Gus to come over so I was screwed if this guy Chris told her he was too busy. But no she tells me that Chris and her were going to go to the movies. *cue girlie scream* anyway I let her in and give her deodorant and perfume so she smells nice and all.

Whatever she leaves and I eat a parmesan chicken patty and some mashed potatoes with sauce. Then I realize ‘oh crap I want to kiss the guy’ I frantically brush and primp up.

*gets lost in memories*

Whoa cold shower tonight baby!!

Anyway *think clean thoughts* Gah >.<

So he calls and I guide him to my house and I go out and get in and think how I want to put my hand on his. of course that wouldn’t be appropriate… he tells me that he’s going to take me somewhere but it’s a surprise. I’m reeeally liking surprises right then and there. I thought he was going to take me to his house because of the freeway signs. He mentioned something about playing racket ball because he asked what kind of shoes I was wearing. I told him sandals of sorts (that’s what they are me thinks) Any way we ended up at his house. He said since he knew where I lived that it was only fair that I know where he live.

He lives in a hotel! He said his place was a bit disorganized so he wasn’t going to take me up. When we were in the car before his future roomie Jamie called he asked if I had two quarters. So we parked next to his place and I put my quarter and 3 dimes into play in the meter. It was so freakin’ windy. He lent me his jacket like at the hockey game. I was still cold. The beach was beautiful though. Lots of waves because of all the wind. I mean gusts of wind, none of the light ocean breeze. So of course I got close to him since he was so warm. Ended up practically making out on the beach. Well we weren’t rolling in the sand or nothing but just standing and kissing. It was so nice. I was sinking into the sand at one point but I didn’t want to break the kiss.

Dude I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him. I kept burying my head in his chest. Until I just got the courage and lifted my head. I squeezed him a little too much at one point before the kiss and I didn’t mean to, I was just trying to get my arms around him and I felt bad but he was like “no, I like it” Go figure…

He pointed out that t]here was an audience. So he offers me the keys to his place and I say no and at the same time I didn’t want to go home. He asked why not and I just told him “that it depends,” “on?” “On you,” “what do you mean?”, “nothing, never mind”

He honestly wasn’t pushing because I <b>never</b> felt bad or pressured or anything like that. I finally just decided that it wouldn’t hurt to go up as long as he didn’t think we were going to have sex or anything. So whatever he gives me his keys and tells me his room number and his ID just in case they don’t let me in. he walks off and I head up the steps and all the while I’m freaking out and wishing I had my cell so that I could call Fatima and panic on the phone. It was in the car though -.-

I walked around this really nice Jacuzzi and pool and past the security guard and our supposed “audience.” Mind you it was really windy and I didn’t have my hair clip so my hair was every where. I felt like I was in a movie because of the wind and the fact that I was in his jacket. I walk down into the hotel and I’m so lost so I ask this black janitor guy where the elevator is. He just danced around the question so I was tempted to just keep walking. He was actually flirting with me though and I swear that I felt like he thought that I was a hooker. I even told Gus that when we were walking thru the lobby. He was “Nah.”

Anyway, I’m pressing the button to the elevator and nothing. Then somebody gets off of the actual working elevator behind me. I heard the little ding and slipped in it. Pressed the floor number and off I went. The elevator was nice, had wood and well who cares about the elevator I went into his apartment! I went in, went out and went back in and then about two minutes later he walks in. I pointed out his good house keeping article and then he cleared the sofa. I sat down and he played his little college film he made. It was just so funny. Then after it finished we saw about a minute of south park before making out again. It was like a spoof of children of the lamb episode. But about toilet paper oO

Point is that I made out for about an hour with south park in the background!

>.>

<.<

I wont go into detail because it’s all up the memory bank. At one pint they were playing a song from the Corrs and I pointed it out and said I liked them, he said he liked them too. Then I was slightly disturbed at the TV because they started talking about some dildos, I was like oO

Finally at 12:02 we stop and cool down. He was going to show me his watch but I didn’t have my glasses, I was blind but I was like 2 inches from his face so nothin’ lost. He didn’t want me to leave and even though I was so comfortable that I could fall asleep I said that I couldn’t phone home and say that I was staying at Fatima’s. Not last night anyway.

>.>

So with much objection that was duly noted we got up to leave. When he was putting on his shoes they started to play a Trojan Condom commercial. I had to look away and bite my lip to keep from smirking because it was so funny. He looked at me and I know he saw my reaction to the commercial. ‘Ribbed for her pleasure’ Clean thoughts Melissa!

So we left and I was a lil’ quit on the way back but at least I got to touch his hands. Such nice hands they are. They fit nicely in mine…

I told him why my parents cant know and well I hope they don’t find out at least not until we start liking each other a little more.

I had trouble getting out of the car because I was just so flustered until I just put my hands on my lap and he unlocked it. Opened the door and he asked for a good night kiss twice. So good. I never thought I’d like kissing so much.

As soon as I got in I called Fatima but I was like all excited. Something like “ are you home? Alone? Are you home yet or are you still with him?” she was like no not yet so I just I told her to call me as soon as she could.

He assured me on the ride back that he didn’t think bad of me. I told him I didn’t think bad of him. I cant wait to see him again.

Lots of girl talk tonight.

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 02:21:52 GMT

I have a problem, I have a problem!!!!!!

I’m supposed to do two things tonight. One: go with Fatima to eat, Two: Talk to Barbie doll. Took care of two whether he likes it or not and now I’m trying to get out of one. Except Fatima is being a bitch and not cooperating. Okay bitch is a little harsh >.>

I cant believe she actually expects me to take her along with us. Noo she cant see I want to kiss him, make a move, do SOMETHING!! Noo damn >.<

Jackie isn’t here and my love life rest in the hands of the flake that is Chris.

Day 3: Hockey game.

Sun, 29 Feb 2004 12:28:23 GMT

Oh man… Houston, we have a problem…

This guy is so great, I spent the whole day with him practically. Went to the movies to see the passion of Christ, which by the way is so friggin bloody. I had to look away at one point because it was just too much. I can talk a lot but it really bugged me when they were nailing him to the cross. I had to keep thinking that it was just a movie. To fathom that at one point the human race did this to a fellow person is just revolting. I know things were different but still.. I would still feel uncomfortable going to church with my family. Its not like its required right? I mean, you don’t have to be both spiritual and religious. That’s what Gus said anyway, more or less.

…

I’ve never had such a good day. I mean awesome. After the movie he wanted to walk me to my car and I said that I’d walk him to his ‘cuz I was the man for the day. He started laughing and cracking jokes about women and their emotional ways >.>

I walked him to his car and some lady wanted to park so we couldn’t listen to music so he told me to get in. I trust him so that wasn’t an issue. Anyway I said that I should have parked farther because I didn’t want to leave. And he offered to take me for a drive, so we went on the highway and went for a drive ^.^ passed all of Hialeah pretty much took the long way back.

The man has the best collection of music I have ever seen one person have. Good music too. Lots of jewel and Dave Mathews. I’m really liking Dave Mathews with him. You know what else I’m liking with him? Ice hockey ^__^

The man takes me on the freeway and at first I kept seeing Miami beach and downtown so I was like ‘is he taking me to his house??’ we searched downtown for an ATM and finally found one, except there was a homeless guy and well he went to burger king and got the guy a whopper and I just about fought with myself (in my head of course) over the fact that there are still some decent human beings in the world. He told me something and well I wasn’t uncomfortable but surprised. I didn’t really know what to say and I hope he didn’t mistake that for freaked out. I’ve never had to struggle financially my parents have really sheltered me and I know I’m lucky.

Afterwards we circled around bayside and got to a parking lot. The lady said hockey and I just smiled. He was taking me to a hockey game. I was like “she gave away where you’re taking me” mind you were right in front of the Miami arena. “just pretend you didn’t hear it” *laughs* and dude I really like Ice hockey!

Already when we were on the highway there I was thinking ‘I’m gonna freeze my ass of tonight.” I kept thinking how the sun was going down and that I was going to get reeeeeeally cold really soon after >.<

Then when I found out we were going to go to an ‘Ice’ Hockey game I just said out loud how bad I was going to freeze. of course him being the perfect gentleman he said something like “ now do you think that me being a gentlemen, that I would forget that you get cold.” he reaches into the back and pulls out his jacket. Then he helps me into it. *bites lip*

The only thing that happened in the entire day that bothered me , well it didn’t bother me it just made me wonder, it was the fact that he had to smoke. I didn’t even remember that he smoked. I knew and I did as soon as he said if I’d excuse him so he could go outside. I was like outside? I said I’d go with him and then I glanced up and saw the smoking area sign. I just let out this big Ohhh… what? I didn’t know ;_;

Anyway the first time wasn’t bad. It was when we finished watching the second turn (what do they call it in hockey?) that he said if he could go out for a minute. I was wondering why he kept looking at his watch. I honestly didn’t think he needed to smoke again. So that was the part that surprised, that that craving for a cigarette really does happen.

The hockey game itself was great! I honestly enjoyed watching the fight. I mean they all went at each other. It was sooo funny. There were two Miami players and one Alabama and the Alabama guy did something and supposedly when you mess with the goalie the whole team goes at you. And boy did they. I wasn’t expecting a fight since he said that there really might not be one. There was like 8 minutes in the game when it happened. You had all the stripy guys on top of the pile of players. All you saw was a head at the bottom and gloves everywhere. I mean they came off and they just started beating the shit out of one another. I loved it!

>.>

<.<

After the game we drove back and I just wanted to kiss the guy. I’m just still wondering if he likes me or not >.<

He put his arm around me during one part of the game so that’s means yeah except he took his arm off. And he was so warm. So, so warm *melts*

Then he was poking me, but that was just being playful. There’s the comments he’s made in the past…

So confused.

I wanted to give him a kiss when I got out of the car. I was building up the courage to do it but it never happened. It would have been so simply just lean in and kiss but nooo. His face was turned because naturally he only expects me to kiss him on the cheek. I couldn't you know hold his face and pucker up. That'd be so wrong!

Dude its 7:25 in the morning. Stupid neck >.<

I’m seriously contemplating the surgery right now. As long as it doesn’t get in the way with school.

I’m gonna have this guy in my head for a while…

Thu, 26 Feb 2004 16:05:45 GMT

Dude, the guy who plays Christ is beautiful. That is soo wrong -.-

Last night the electricity went out and I was going crazy looking for something to do. The idea of being in the dark for hours made me ancy. I can't live with out A/C or a fan. My little luxuries that I've become addicted to. Anyway as soon as the lights came back on I called Gus. And although I clearly heard that he'd call me the day before he said when "I" didn’t call. But its okay because he was asleep. Hopefully he'll call tonight and we'll talk a little bit. I know tomorrow I need to get my stuff together and finish doing the list of things I've been meaning to finish.

On Tuesday he said to me "I'd be lying if I said I just want us to only be friends" He repeated it to and stressed on the he'd be lying part, meaning he wants to be more than friends. And the dude thinks I'm oblivious to this but I'm not. I know he wants more but I don't thing 'I' want more.

He is alot older than me and it was pointed out when he talked about the Terminator movie. He was like “no, the movies about 20 this year, it came out in 1984.” and me being the idiot that I am answered “wow 1984, I wasn’t even born” >.> he starts laughing and say that he feels old. And I try and fix things and tell him “no it’s not supposed to make you feel old its supposed to make me feel young” sounded good in my head what can I say? “well I’m glad it accomplished one of its purposes” oO

So what ever, he thought I hadn’t called the day before because of what we had talked about on Monday. Can’t believe I told him the things I did but hey I guess its okay. I asked him if he had ever cheated on one of his girlfriends (this would probably be a deciding factor in the future) he said he had. But explained and it made sense but still. Later on I was okay with it because he explained what he wants and well yeah..

Okay I’m not about to type out the whole conversation because well that’d be weird and we also talk for hours at a time. Before I go I wanted to include something that made me intrigued last night. Right before we hung up he was saying how he likes to give me a hard time. Then he said that I give him a harder time than I give myself credit for. *winks* I don’t know what he meant but I’m glad I making him squirm a little bit back.

After the whole conversation thing I was so dead tired that I just decided to call Patty back so they wouldn’t wake me up later. She started the usual conversation about work -.- it like comes with the territory the natural complaints just flow. She said Aimee told her that Debbie was leaving. I feel sooo bad for Marlea. I am not in any condition going back >.<

Which reminds me I went to the doctor on Tuesday and he said that the Ct scan ( which is a test that took like 3 minutes and involves me sliding into a machine that looks like a big bagel.) was okay and the position of the tumor was in a very operable place. He said that when ever I’m done with school to schedule an appointment to have it removed. I could also just opt to sit it out and hope that with the aspirin it goes away by itself. I don’t want to wait to long because even though he keeps saying that he’s fairly confident that its benign I don’t want it to get worst if its not. Surprisingly enough I do want to live. If it was my time though it’d mean the same to me I’d just do things differently.. But I wont think that way.

One day at a time, eh?

I can't wait till saturday :D

Date in the morning (my date) and then clubbing at night... well it can't all be good. Is it sad that I want him to kiss me, I just want to see what it feels like. I'll either know he can only be a friend or I'll get confident about being more.

Who knows, who knows...

I'm off to a ...

>.>

<.<

:D

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 17:29:12 GMT

I’m so damn disappointed in myself. At least most of the things I pointed out were things I could live with. I hope the reason I’m not pursing things is true and not just me being superficial. Its not. And I’m convinced there’s only one way to go about things. Next Saturday it is. Short old navy skirt here I come.

Hah, if I’m daring I’ll take a picture and put it on my site. I really want to revamp the whole thing. Maybe now that I’m not working I can rededicate myself to my site. Kind of like my hobby. *sigh*

I’m so sad.

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 17:26:38 GMT

Okay last night was so awesome. I was half tempted to come on here at 5 this morning. Yes that’s right I was awake at 5 am.

I feel totally embarrassed about the whole cuss word and survey thing. Honestly he must think I’m strange no psycho for having a survey and I have no clue what cuss word I said. He just bust out all of a sudden and say “in the whole week I’ve been talking to you tonight’s the first time I’ve ever heard you curse.” something to that extent. I told him my whole reason for not cursing and I have no idea why this guy isn’t thinking that I’m a freak yet. I need to have more faith in myself.

Its past noon!!!

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I cant wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I cant wake up] Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I cant wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I cant wake up] Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

All of this time, I can't believe I couldnt see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems 
Got to open my eyes to everything

Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I cant wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I cant wake up] Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life

I totally ignored my to do list. So right now I’m going to go shave and shower. I have to wash my hair. Get dressed and grab an extra pair of clothes so that if Fati is awake she can help me. (I need help) then I’m going to blow dry my hair a little. Curl the ends and apply light coat of make up so that Fatima doesn’t get the bright idea of playing dress up with me. Then I’m going to freak a little as I get to the place and then I’m going to park and freak out a little more. Then I’m going to wait under a palm tree and freak out even more. I’m so tired and wired at the same time its not funny.

God, Melissa relax. God has gotten me this far. I’m really thankful and yet I cant find it in my heart to accept the notion entirely. I’m a nut case and now is sooo not the time to go evaluating my religious beliefs.

I know I’m not the only person in this world who is angry with God. But I’m such a fucking hypocrite for asking for help when I cant do the most Christian like thing, and that’s forgive.

Nut case. But this nut case has things to do, so laters my journal.

P.S In the extremely rare chance that this guy turns out to be psychotic I’m leaving behind his whole name and phone number plus the little information I know about where he lives and works. Said information can be found under my mattress. Anywhere else and I’d be missing for days while they locate said paper amongst the mess.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 03:30:41 GMT

10:30 should be dressed. Am not dressed. Should be.

>.<

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 03:14:22 GMT

Oh and dude I sooo have a million things to do tonight.

TTD:
Seperate Clothes
Go to patty's
Call NY dude
Put laundry to wash
Put laundry to dry
Put ANOTHER load to wash
And dry -.-
Sleep (eventually)

Shave
Shower
Blow dry hair

Clean to kill time or kill self to avoid cleaning >:(

Joking ofcourse. I'll just procrastinate, Cleaning that is. La estoria de mi vida.

"procrastination is like masturbation, You're just fucking yourself."

>.<

Must. Get. Dressed.

*tears self from computer*

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 03:08:00 GMT

I am so going to get an anxiety attack. I've come to a point where I just want to get this over with, so my mind doesn't go off imagining things.

Remember Melissa, we are nothing like Fatima. We are not superficial and will not tolerate any one else's superficiality to influence this line of though.

;_;

I'm speaking in third person. I've gone completely psyco.

-.-

My song-

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren’t we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
I wish you would unclench your fists,
And unpack your suitcase
lately theres been to much of this
but don’t think its too late

Chorus:
nothings wrong
just as long 
as you know that someday I will
someday 
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you’re wondering when
you’re the only one that knows that
someday 
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you’re wondering when

well I’d hope that since we’re here anyway
we can end up saying
things that we always needed to say
so we can end up staying
now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror

Chorus

you’re the only one that knows that

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren’t we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
Now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror
nothings wrong
just as long

Chorus

I know you’re wondering when
you’re the only one that knows that
I know you’re wondering when
you’re the only one that knows that
I know you’re wondering when

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 17:47:49 GMT

HE JUST CALLED!!!!!!

And he still wants to meet. I'm so pathetic -.-